Scroll. Smile. Think.
"You said: “I’ll go to another country, go to another shore,
find another city better than this one.
Whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong
and my heart -like something dead- lies buried.
How long can I let my mind moulder in this place?
Wherever I turn, wherever I look,
I see the black ruins of my life, here,
where I’ve spent so many years, wasted them, destroyed them totally.”
You won’t find a new country, won’t find another shore.
This city will always pursue you.
You’ll walk the same streets, grow old
in the same neighbourhoods, turn grey in these same houses.
You’ll always end up in this city. Don’t hope for things elsewhere:
there’s no ship for you, there’s no road.
Now that you’ve wasted your life here, in this small corner,
you’ve destroyed it everywhere in the world."
All the things I should have done
All the people I should have met
All the things I should have said
All the tears I should have shed
"I wonder when the good words will run out and I’m left with a pile of worthless thoughts that no longer matter."
I wish I had the power to take away your sadness
to pull the drain and fill it up with nothing but happiness.
but I don’t have that power.
I can only be here for you
that’s all I can do and I can wish that’s the best it can be.
This is for the dumped boys.
This is for the depressed.
This is for the adopted. For the insecure who live with rolls of fat when they sit down, for the girls with flat chests. For the bullied and for the washed-up popular chicks who got an abortion at sixteen.
Close your eyes and breathe.
This is for the nannies. The butlers, the housemaids, who clean up after my shit. This is for the hospital walls and the people that have lived in them.
This is for the taxi drivers driving at 2AM. For the coffee shop table with the loners sitting in it. For the single moms who have to work three shifts, for the janitor dads whose kids are ashamed of them. For the supposed-to-be retired elderly that still have to work retail, for the grandpas dying alone in a nursing home, and for the seventy-year-olds that have to beg on the streets.
This is for you. Breathe.
This is for the adults who struggle not to kill the voices in their head by slashing a razor through their skin. For the high school bullies wanting to say sorry. For the children who are not their parents’ favorites. For the black sheep. For the typhoon victims.
For the women who love sex and have been shamed for it. For the innocent black men sentenced to life without parole. For the struggling celibate pedophiles and reformed sex offenders. For the would-be serial killers who suppress their urges. For the homophobes, sexists, racists who bite their tongue and draw blood when they’re tempted to make an unkind remark. This is for the freaks. For the ones with unnatural kinks they have to ignore.
For the twelve-year olds whose childhood pet died today. For the five-year olds in Palestine and Israel who’ve been brought up to hate.
This is for those without a best friend. For the dogs who get hit by their owners’ hand. For the artists and dreamers in a society against dreams. For the poets and painters without the talent to create their masterpiece. For the travelers stuck with their laptops, for the athletes that get picked the least.
This for you.
This is for the days when your demons are snarling and grabbing and pulling at you from every direction. This is for the days when you find it hard to say no.
This was never meant for me.
So close your eyes. Close your eyes, fill your lungs with air and breathe. Feel the blood in your veins coursing through you, willing you to survive. Know that my words are with you, and take them like compassion coins inside your pocket you can jiggle during the seconds of silence it gets especially hard.
When you do, keep trying. For there is a world for you on the other side of the door, another one where you were meant to LIVE. To be alive without chains shackling you to the ground. Wait for it.
It’s okay. Thank you for trying."
"Humankind cannot bear very much reality."
"If I wish to become strong I must identify my weakness.
If I wish to feel I must seek those that feel.
If I wish to love I must seek those that desire love.
If I wish to inspire I must acknowledge wisdom.
If I wish I must believe."
I spent too many years tearing myself apart
and at 5,000 feet in the air I can feel everything
rebuild rebuild rebuild
do not destroy
I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO HRT IWANT TO BLEED
I want to feel nothing
I want to feel everything
I am a tripwire
I will ruin you
I don’t want to tarnish you anymore
"Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?"
"Every night I stay up past 12, past 1, etc. Not because I’m not tired. Not because I want to tweak on these social networking sites. Because I am tired, I want to sleep. But I can’t because my mind runs like crazy. It over thinks, over analyzes things that I don’t want to think about. So I purposely keep myself awake & tire myself out so that when I do finally lie in bed, I fall asleep and my thoughts don’t keep me up."
"Seasons change, so will
you. Human beings were made
to adapt, survive."